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Brake Fluid Addiction

A mechanic noticed his co-worker drinking brake fluid at lunch. "What are you doing, man? You can't drink that stuff!" "Relax," replied his co-worker, "this stuff tastes pretty good, and I don't drink it all the time." "Seriously," the mechani...

Yo' Mama Is So Ugly... Looks Up

Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she looks up, it starts to rain.

Yo' Mama Is So Skinny... Fruit Loop

Yo' Mama is so skinny, she can hula-hoop with a Fruit Loop!

Yo Mama’s Breath Is So Bad…

I'm sitting here at the computer, scouring the internet for the world's best bad breath jokes. Honestly, you'd think it'd be easier. I only found a few, and decided to twist it into "Yo Mama" style. Yo mama's breath is so bad that when she br...

Yo Mama So Poor

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention! Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush! Yo mama so...

Those Dirty Pirates

A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ''There's the plank for trouble makers, there's the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there's the barrel for all you sexual needs.'' ''Whatcha me...

Helisoft

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's positi...

Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Fur Coat

Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.

http://healthyboosterspro.com/athletic-greens/

arrest.21 On the other hand, in a prospective study conducted on post-myocardial infarction patients, it was found that there was no association between moderate coffee intake and cardiovascular events http://healthyboosterspro.com/athletic-gr...

NASCAR Career Summary For Dale Jr

A man walks into a sports bar with his dog. A NASCAR Sprint Cup race is on a TV. He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt Jr. is doing. The bartender says "Dale Jr is in 35th, not doing so well". The man's dog jumps up, and runs around the barst...

Pirate In A Bar

A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks "How'd you end up with a peg-leg?" "I wa...

Took My Wife To The Bar

A pissed off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the bar, so one night he took her along. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple o...

Sexy Watch

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch." Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathi...

Birthday Wife

Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea - why...

A Wife’s Special Birthday Present

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, John! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh, no," says John. "He's on my bowling ...

I Love Older Women

To set this up, I've been married for nearly 25 years. The other day I took a look at my wife said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV... but I got to sle...

Depressing Blonde

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine. Her boyfriend looks over and hears her screaming at the machine... "You're a dumb-looking button!" "You don't have much of a future, either!" "You're going to be replaced by a much better looking...

Did You Hear About The Blonde?

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice? Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient? Did you he...

Bumper Stickers 211-225

All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body. Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it. Oh sure. But what's the speed of dark? What's another word for Thesaurus? Don't miss today worrying about tomorrow. I think therefore...

Fastest Mobility Scooter Ever

A young hotshot lawyer went out and bought the fastest car in the world, the new SSC Ultimate Aero, for a cool $750,000. It was a nice day outside, so he took the car for it's first drive on the street. As he stops at a red light, an old man on...

Dead Daddy Long Legs

A little girl was playing in the garden next to her father when she noticed two large spiders on top of each other, apparently mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do ...

Pleasing A Women

A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that's right - women can browse men from floors of choices. Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level ...

Expecting A Baby

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impr...

Tragic Local Courtroom Drama Plays Out In Omaha

Omaha, NE (AP) -A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Douglas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initi...

Divorce Lawyer’s Judgement Day

A Chicago area divorce lawyer died and found his way to the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The lawyer thought for a moment and replied, "Last month I gave a quarter to a homeless person on t...

Cops Say The Darndest Things

So you think you're the only one who can be funny when getting pulled over by a cop? Well, in this edition, the police officer strikes back! All those cop jokes we've been posting have finally caught up to us, a police (or as he preferredÂ...

When You’re Feeling Stupid, Read This

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." ~ Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. - - - - - - - - - - Question: If you could live forever, wo...

Beethoven’s Death

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple of days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got th...

You Know It’s Gonna Be A Bad Day When…

Here are some tell-tale signs it's gonna be a bad day. If any of these things happen, DO NOT leave the house. Crawl back into bed and start over again tomorrow. You wake up face down on the pavement. You call Suicide Prevention and they put...

How To Play Omaha Poker

Why do folks play Omaha poker? I dunno really, I mean it's like Texas Hold 'em only without the thinking. Folks pretty much just keep bedding and don't really know what they've got. At any rate, if you wanna learn how to play Omaha it can be expl...

Johnny Has A Sweet Tooth

One fine afternoon a gentleman was walking down the street; and as he came around the corner he spotted a young boy sitting in front of the local candy shop. As he approached, he realized it was his neighbor's kid - Little Johnny. The boy was s...

Little Johnny: Contagious In A Sentence

At school one day, Little Johnny's teacher asks the class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence... Cindy raises her hand. "Yes, Cindy?" She answers, "I was at the dentist's office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the ...

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