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Blondes at a Drive-In

Did you hear about the blonde couple who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

Sexual Hair-assment

This lady walks into her boss's office one day and says, "Sir, I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint." Her boss says, "Well what's your complaint?" She says, "My co-worker Joe said my hair smelled nice." The boss says, "That's r...

Harry Potter Quiz

What did Harry Potter do when he found the three-headed dog? He ran... wouldn't you?

Brake Fluid Addiction

A mechanic noticed his co-worker drinking brake fluid at lunch. "What are you doing, man? You can't drink that stuff!" "Relax," replied his co-worker, "this stuff tastes pretty good, and I don't drink it all the time." "Seriously," the mechani...

Those Dirty Pirates

A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ''There's the plank for trouble makers, there's the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there's the barrel for all you sexual needs.'' ''Whatcha me...

So Blonde... 60 Minutes

She is so blonde that it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes."

Stoplight

There was a blonde at a stoplight and it said “walk.” She started walking and, when she was in the middle of the street, the sign turned to “don't walk.” So she stopped.

Andre Kelley: Adult Table

This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

Dangerous Toys

Q: What is red and orange and knocks you over? A: Tackle Me Elmo.

Why PMS?

Q: Why do they call it PMS? A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Panda Booty Call... Endangered

Come on, we're endangered. We HAVE to do it!

City Girls and Country Boys

A city girl was driving back to town after attending a family funeral when she ran out of gas. It was getting late so she asked two good ol' boys sitting on the stoop of a mobile home where she could get some gas. “Well,” sa...

Mad Cows

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"

Redneck Driver's License Application

Last name: ________________ First name (check appropriate box): [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby...

Toothpaste Inventor

Q: How do you know that someone from West Virginia invented toothpaste? A: If anyone else would have invented it, it would be called "teethpaste."

The Blonde and Her Melons

This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along. The guy asks, ''What are you carrying?'' ''Melons,'' the blonde replies. ''Cool," the guy says. "If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?'' The b...

Blonde Pregnancy

Q: What does a blonde say when she finds out she's pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

Astronaut Booty Call... Scream

They say in space, no one can hear you scream. That's because they've never done it with me.

Sex in Advertising

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00." A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sig...

Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Quarter

Yo' Mama is so fat, when she sits on a quarter, she squeezes a booger out of George Washington's nose.

Yo' Mama Is So Skinny... Fruit Loop

Yo' Mama is so skinny, she can hula-hoop with a Fruit Loop!

Here, Piggy, Piggy

An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them. And every morning, he would see all the pigs screwing up a storm. He would get turned on by this and try to get back to the house in time to...

It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his ...

It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

The First Lady's patriotic duties

What do George Bush's wife and the American flag have in common? They both go down in the name of the president.

Feel the Hot Burn of Shame

Have you seen the hottest new Catholic porn film? It's 10 minutes of sex and 50 minutes of guilt.

Let's Talk

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The girl, who was reading a ...

Peter Johansson: U.S. Customs Officers

They're the only federal employee that I can think of that, at any point, they can flip you over and look in your butt. That's too much power, and I don't remember voting for that, do you?

Wild Irish Ho's

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum...

Bride & Broom

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Blue Whale

Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a blue whale? A: About 10 pounds.

Yo' Mama Is Like... McDonald's

Yo' Mama is like McDonald's: over 90 billion served.

Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Voting District

Yo' Mama is so fat, politicians fight over redistricting her ass.

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