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Top 10 Sarcastic Dares

Sarcastically speaking, I dare you to do some of the things found on my top ten list. 10. Pull into a gas station and use the window washer to wash your entire car. 9. Ask a bank teller to break a $100 bill for you. Then when asked how you ...

Ladies Tee

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. "Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!" I ...

Yo' Mama Is So Nasty... Axis of Evil

Yo' Mama is so nasty, her vagina's in the Axis of Evil.

Scratchy Lottery

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked confused, so a clerk walked up to them and asked them what they wanted. The couple asked for a couple of lottery tickets. He gave the tickets to them, and they paid for them. The husband l...

Walks Into a Bar... Drunk Dry Cleaning

A drunk walks into a bar, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me." "Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in t...

Fast-Food Blondes

The following sign was posted at a fast-food restaurant owned by two blondes: Parking for drive-through customers only!

The Bride's Smile

Q: Why do brides smile while they walk down the wedding aisle? A: They realize they've given their last blow jobs.

Stress Defined

Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living s**t out of some a**hole who desperately deserves it.

Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Quarter

Yo' Mama is so fat, when she sits on a quarter, she squeezes a booger out of George Washington's nose.

Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Manicure

Yo' Mama is so fat, she gets her nails done at the auto shop.

Lawyer Stamps

Q: Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps? A: People wouldn't lick them.

Married Bar Talk

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the ...

Lesbians

A man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two beautiful ladies a drink." The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good." The man, with a confused loo...

50 Bucks

An older gentleman is sitting in a bar when a beautiful young woman walks up to him and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks." He immediately puts his drink down and begins frantically going through his pockets. He pulls...

50th Birthday Jokes

Just in case you've gotten so old you don't know if you've turned 50 years old yet, here are a few hints that you just might be over that hill... jokes if you will. And before you laugh, remember: we'll all get old eventually. Top 10 Signs Y...

Short Q&A Obama Jokes, ROFL

In the spirit of giving, we're gonna give you some more Obama Jokes... a flurry of Q&A shorties sure to leave you asking for more. Everyone will be laughing... except for Barack Obama, because that would be racist. Q. What do Obama and ...

British Ingenuity

During WW II a British fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad, so the German doctor amputated his left arm. He requested that they drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans di...

Questions For Mother Camel

The little camel went to his mother and asked, "Mother, why do we camels have such big eyes?" She looked on him lovingly and replied, "You see, my son, when we are walking in the dessert and the wind starts to blowing and there's sand everywhere,...

Christian Bear

An atheist is walking through the woods one day when all of a sudden a huge bear runs out to attack him. The atheist runs as fast as he can but trips over a stump and falls to the ground. As he turns rover the bear is standing on top of him, paws...

Little Johnny: Contagious In A Sentence

At school one day, Little Johnny's teacher asks the class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence... Cindy raises her hand. "Yes, Cindy?" She answers, "I was at the dentist's office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the ...

Vasectomy Jokes

As I sit here I'm contemplating having a vasectomy, you know... the "removing" of your manhood. You know, it looks like a relatively simple procedure, heck I even asked if they had a do-it-yourself kit (true story). Afterall, $950 bucks for a 15 ...

Slow Golfers

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! Pas...

Ding Dong

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching Little Joh...

Masturbation is Better that Sex Because…

Your hand always lets you finish first. It's free. Same reason my Chevy is better than a Ferrari: It's all I can get. You call the position. "Premature ejaculation"? No weird looks when you pull out the peanut butter. Your privates ar...

If Only Men Would Listen

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells, "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!" They ea...

Flea Joke

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his. "Oscar, what happened to you?", as...

Funny Fortune Cookie Fortunes

One of the best things about eating Chinese food is the fortune cookie you get at the end of your meal. Often insightful, normally we get stuff like "You will succeed through your charm and personality." Well, not today! Here are some funny (or u...

Differences Between You and Your Boss

For those that don't know, being the boss is a tough job. Expectations, requirations (is that even a word?), etc. - really hard work and stuff. If you didn't already know, here's the 10 major differences between you (the worker) and your (wonderf...

Interstate Inspiration

Four guys are driving across country together - one from Idaho, one from Nebraska, one from Florida, and one from New York. A short ways down the road, the man from Idaho starts topull potatoes from his bag and throws them out the w...

Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said ...

Redneck Personal Hygiene

Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN...

Yo Mama So Old

Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died. Yo Mama's so old, she sat next to Jesus in third grade. Yo mama so old her social security number is 1! Yo Mama's so old, her birthday expired. Yo mama so old that when she was i...

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