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Took My Wife To The Bar

A pissed off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the bar, so one night he took her along. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple o...

Pickup Line Responses

These are suggestions for women responding to pick up lines... Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together. Male: Did it hurt whe...

Yo' Mama Is So Dirty... Speedstick

Yo' Mama is so dirty, she makes Speedstick slow down and think about it.

Let's Talk

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The girl, who was reading a ...

Birthday Wife

Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea - why...

Birthday Suit

A wife was begining to worry about her and her husbands non-existant sex life. So one afternoon the woman decided to ask her friend for some advice on how to put the spark back into her marriage. Her friend gave her some advice that always work...

Johnny Has A Sweet Tooth

One fine afternoon a gentleman was walking down the street; and as he came around the corner he spotted a young boy sitting in front of the local candy shop. As he approached, he realized it was his neighbor's kid - Little Johnny. The boy was s...

Differences Between You and Your Boss

For those that don't know, being the boss is a tough job. Expectations, requirations (is that even a word?), etc. - really hard work and stuff. If you didn't already know, here's the 10 major differences between you (the worker) and your (wonderf...

Dead Presidents

George W. Bush, distraught over his worsening approval rating, was jogging through Washington in search of inspiration. Taking a break upon reaching the Washington Monument, he looks up for guidance and says, "George, you were one of our greatest...

Yo' Mama... Knock Knock

Knock knock. Who's there? Sham. Sham who? No, not Yo' Mama.

Yo' Mama Is So Stupid... Sperm Bank

Yo' Mama is so stupid, she got fired from a sperm bank for drinking on the job.

Blonde's Salary

Q: What did the blonde fill in for "Salary Expected" on a job application? A: Yes.

Seducing the Grocer

An older single woman was shopping at the grocery store feeling lonely and horny. In the check out stand she noticed a young bagger and thought she might approach him. When he asked if he could take her groceries to her car she excitedly said, "Y...

The Mother F*cker

This guy walks into a bar and goes up to a man sitting at the bar. He says, ''I just fucked your mother and I did it in your bed and I fucked her doggie style and I even made her give me a blowjob. What do you think about that?'' The other gu...

Self-Explanatory

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

The Rich Hooker

A hooker brings a client to her condo on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs. "You see this condo? I bought it by giving good hand jobs." Her client tells her to give him a hand job. Afterwards, he is im...

How to Sell Lawnmowers

A young man got a new job running the register at a store. The old store owner said he would teach him how to up-sell. "Watch how I do it," he said to the new hire. As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter, the old-timer said to him...

The Seven Dwarves Go to Rome

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city. After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the Pope. Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say. He keeps asking the Pontiff questions about the church and, in particular, ...

Psychiatrist's Best Friend

A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to explain his problem. "Doctor, doctor! I've got this problem," the man said. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!" "A co...

Astronaut Booty Call... Damage

It's gonna be so good it'll damage your hull.

Shaky Hands

Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face." The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimm...

Steady Hands

A guy suffers from extreme abdominal pain and sees a doctor. The doctor says that medicated rectal inserts should rectify the problem. After performing the initial insertion, the doctor explains that the second should be inserted before bed. Th...

The Farmer's Daughters

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three...

http://www.catchyfitness.com/staminon/

In this way, your Staminon becomes the fab Staminon. That certainly extends to Staminon or I forget how we got on the subject when she asked me with respect to Staminon. I had to have my Staminon disinfected. I know, professors get Staminon that w...

Married Bar Talk

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the ...

Gay Bar Blues

A guy comes into a bar one day and says to the bartender, "Give me eight double vodkas." The bartender says, "Wow! you must have had a hell of a day." "Yes, I just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy comes into the b...

She Was So Blonde

It's not just your momma who's got to worry about these jokes, even blonde's arent safe (when were they?) anymore. Kinda of an adaption of the "Yo Momma's So Stupid" jokes with some new additions. So, without further ado - She Was So Blonde ... ...

Did You Hear About The Blonde?

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice? Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient? Did you he...

Bumper Stickers 181-195

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most! Are you stoned or just stupid? I gave up drinking, smoking and sex - Worst 15 minutes of my life I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory If the music's too loud you're t...

Advice From Dad

A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning. After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?" His dadÂ...

Lawyers And Light Bulbs

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? This is a question that's been at the forefront of discussion amongst the most prestigious scholars and lawmakers of the world. Finally, after getting them all together - the question has b...

A Day In The Life Of A BMW Driver

The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my interstates, which was very busy with inferior cars. First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the exit ramp! I had to...

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